Minimum Wage to Rise to £25.50

LONDON - England - The minimum wage will rise to £25.50, on recommendation by the Just Pay Commission, which sets the ideal level people need to survive in a country with vast food and utility costs, poverty secretary Graham Dibble told MPs today.

Such an increase would be the first that has happened above inflation since 2008, Dibble said.

“You can’t survive in rip off Britain for less, so we raised the minimum wage to a level that people will just about be able to put food on their tables and heat their homes. People might even be able to fill their car up with petrol, the fuel tax is so fucking ridiculous it takes up 85% of the cost of fuel that even with this pay rise it’s still going to be hard for people,” he told MPs.

The large increase in the minimum wage means that it just about pips the rate of benefits and will ensure that the message is clear — benefits don’t pay as well anymore.

After the announcement was made there were cheers and joyous shouts of er..joy..and more joy in the streets.

“I can feed my family. Like I can put food on the table, I can have a full fridge. I’m speechless, thank you, sir, please sir, I don’t wish to be rude but, I think I just peed in my pants,” Julia Swinton, a dinner lady for a local state school in Birmingham told the Sun.

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