Californian Smelt Fish Valued at $198 Billion by Commodities Exchange

The Chicago Commodities Board of Trade has valued Californian smelt fish at $198 billion, which is the approximate cost of the Californian fire damage. The smelt fish now stand as the most expensive fish species in the world, and their value is currently rising at an exponential rate.

Smelt gold rush

Miles Carbunkle, head of the board of trade in Chicago, said that traders are “going crazy” for smelt, especially after the disastrous Californian fire, prices are continuing to increase rapidly.

“We first thought it was rather fishy, like you know that fish smell you get if you sniff your wife’s crusty panties when she hasn’t washed for a few days. Anyway, I digress, thanks to Governor Gavin Newsom and his incompetence, traders are making a fucking killing with smelt fish. Thanks to your negligence, Gavin, I bought four Ferraris and a Lamborghini just yesterday and am even thinking of buying an entire street in Pacific Palisades tomorrow.”

There are fears however that smelt could now be endangered by a new gold rush, as people with nets have been seen searching rivers in Northern California for the valuable fish.

“We now got smelt hunters. People are buying large nets and fishing our rivers without the necessary permits. If we catch anyone, we will arrest and fine you heavily,” Sheriff Alonso Moseley told Fox News on Wednesday.

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