Commissar Rachel Reeves has addressed the Duma House of Comrades today to refute that there is anything wrong with recession in the People’s Soviet Republic of Britain.
RECESSION BRITAIN
“Comrades, apparatchiks, civil servants, train drivers, union bosses, fat cat council bosses, NHS managers, Bolsheviks, and the everyday working proletariat scum. I am speaking today to quell any rumours that have been going around that recession in Soviet Britain is a bad thing. I am proud to have caused the economic downturn because of my amazing decisions to punish the capitalist swine and to expel all the wealthy parasites from the Soviet UK.
“The Red Labour government is dedicated to increasing taxes even further, increasing useless regulations that will further inhibit business, and increasing inheritance tax to confiscate wealth from the bourgeoisie and business community. We are also destroying the vile landed gentry represented by the Kulak farmer class. These parasitical capitalist swine have dared to survive for generations, providing food for the population of Britain. Thanks to my policies, they will be stopped in their tracks and bankrupted as their wealth is siphoned off and redistributed to people who have never worked a day in their lives, and squandered on useless socialist projects that benefit no one. Our redistribution of wealth from wealth creators to the feckless subclasses and illegal immigrants is the correct action to implement.
“Through collectivisation we as a Soviet nation are becoming stronger in poverty, and destitution. Why have a recession when you can have a Great Depression? Comrades, this is my goal as Commissar of the Soviet People’s Bank.
“Comrades, I am proud to announce and celebrate our economy shrinking into recession, by cancelling the previous proposed increase of 14 grams in Chocco rations that was scheduled for this year, and instead replace it with one rotten turnip for the proletariat filth.”
INGSOC ORDER 769834-2398A
ARTHUR BRIDLESWAITE OF 210 PISSWAGE ROAD, ELTHAM, LONDON WAS TODAY CHARGED WITH ATTEMPTS TO INCREASE HIS WEALTH BY RUNNING A BUSINESS SELLING VEGETABLES. HE HAS BEEN CHARGED AND CONVICTED TO 45 YEARS OF HARD LABOUR BREAKING ROCKS IN GRIMSBY GULAG. TODAY HE CONFESSED TO HIS VARIOUS CRIMES, INCLUDING SOCIAL MEDIA THOUGHTCRIME, ALONG WITH SELLING VEGETABLES ILLICITLY AND PROFITING OFF THIS EVIL CAPITALIST ACTION. PROLETARIAT SOVIET CITIZENS OF BRITAIN WILL BE REWARDED WITH ONE USED LOLLIPOP IF THEY REPORT MEMBERS OF THEIR FAMILY OR FRIENDS TO THE BIG STATE.
