17.7 C
London
Monday, November 18, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldLabour MP: "My home is like the tropics in winter. I might...

Labour MP: “My home is like the tropics in winter. I might as well be in Hawaii!”

LONDON - England - A Labour MP has boasted to the press about their luxury, cosy heated home in the winter, and how it's like living in Hawaii.

After condemning 10 million pensioners to freeze this winter, Labour MPs who receive large taxpayer funded heating allowances for their various homes have been boasting about how they are so comfortable and warm during the cold winter months. The taxpayer funded Labour MP winter fuel allowance is thankfully not to be reduced or cancelled.

“It gets so hot I have to open the window sometimes, and I walk around the house in my underpants sweating like a Catholic priest at a choir boy’s convention,” one Labour MP quipped.

labour mp 2

Another Labour MP, who voted to take away crucial winter fuel payments for the elderly and poor, revealed that he delighted in the comfort of his warm flat in Kensington.

“I come home and am immediately hit by a warm, cosy atmosphere. The heating is on 24 hours a day during the winter, even when I’m not there. It’s like fucking Hawaii in there. I start giggling like a deranged hyena at the mere thought that I’m here in my cosy flat all warm and snugly whilst out there millions of elderlies are crouched in their homes freezing. I twiddle my toes in the supreme warmth whilst glancing out the window at the freezing winter weather. It gives me the giggles. I love it.”

labour mp 3

One Labour MP who voted to condemn many pensioners to die in the freezing cold this winter even admitted waiting in anticipation for the death list data for OAPs to filter through from the Office of National Statistics.

“My driver usually drops me off at one of my homes, I have six houses, all heated of course at the taxpayers expense. Anyway, as soon as I get through the door I am handed a scotch, and filter through to the cosy and warm living room. Here I look through the odd bits of ministerial or constituency junk I speed read through in a few seconds, but the stuff I really look for are the ONS death stats for the elderly. My husband usually asks me why I’m laughing so hard, and I explain to him 15,000 oldies dropped dead last week, when the usual statistic is 3,000. Then after supper, it’s time to take a long dip in the heated indoor pool, which steams like a fucking bath. Gorgeous!”

labour mp 4

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

15 COMMENTS

  1. I sincerely hope a great plague comes over the Liebour Party and they all melt like that scene in Indiana Jones.

  2. Listen don’t hate on Labour MPs. It were the Tory Scum that caused this and Labour are trying to fix it.

  3. I don’t get it why arent the Brits rebelling about this? If this happened in any other country like France they would be protests. Do something vote with your feet. do something.

  4. Thanks for making my blood boil. People should spit on these scum in the streets. If you voted for these —— may you also rot in hell.

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!