The new Labour government under the stalwart leadership of PM Keir Starmer has proposed a new law banning eating in restaurants in the UK. According to the new legislation, restaurants would be either shut down or fined hundreds of thousands of pounds if any customer is found eating food on their premises. Some say that to ban eating in restaurants is counteractive, but they were quickly silenced.
Eating food in public has been found to be harmful, and many people are triggered when they see other people eating food.
Today’s debate in parliament was certainly interesting when an MP from the opposition took out a ham sandwich during the debate and openly took a few bites out of it in front of the House. There were howls of outrage from the Labour politicians, and one female Labour MP fainted at the disgraceful sight.
Eating food in public and especially in restaurants will be banned when the ‘Restaurant Food Eating Bill’ is passed through the House of Lords next week.
Restaurant owners received the news in disbelief but were simply told to ‘shut up, there is nothing you can do about it’ by the Labour Minister of Food Consumption Lisa Munchetty.
Today, Keir Starmer also announced a new task force that will police all restaurants in the UK. The ‘Food Police’ will have powers to confiscate food from restaurant goers if they are caught trying to eat it, and give out fines to restaurants where patrons are caught eating food. The ‘Food Police’ even have powers to forensically analyse a patron’s stools after they have passed food through their intestinal system. If the food is deemed to have been consumed in a restaurant through forensic analysis, then the faeces would be confiscated and filed as evidence for the ongoing court cases and eventual imprisonment.
Next he’ll ban pooing in the toilet.
Starmer to ban breathing, eating and drinking. Let them ban everything to make our lives like death itself.