17.7 C
London
Friday, September 13, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldPensioner: "I am glad Two-tier Kier has given 15% pay rises to...

Pensioner: “I am glad Two-tier Kier has given 15% pay rises to train drivers”

GRIMSBURY - England - A hard-up pensioner persecuted by Two-tier Kier praises Labour's punishing policies against OAPs.

Labour unions pushing for massive pay rises for train drivers and staff as well as GPs have enjoyed a bumper time by being awarded grotesquely high pay rises for already high salaries by Two-tier Kier Starmer. Pensioners meanwhile have been robbed of their winter fuel payments and their pensions are now taxed.

Alfie Fowkes, 84, from Grimsbury, Lancashire, praised the PM on his Labour policies.

“I rent a council flat sublet from an Eastern European couple who sublets 23 council flats, and they live in a luxury villa in Romania built from the proceeds. I rarely see them, but when they sometimes turn up in their top of the range S-class Mercedes, they make me pay the rent in cash and threaten me with kneecapping if I don’t pay on time. Sometimes they send one of their boys around with a bat. I tried moving but cannot afford it. It’s thanks to Labour’s immigration policies that these people were able to come to the UK to exploit our hospitality and benefits system.

“The winter fuel payments really did help me in the cold months, and it meant I could just about afford to eat some food. I could put the heat on for 15 minutes and enjoy the warmth for those few minutes. For food, I now mainly buy canned food, although this has shot up in price as well. On most days, I survive on a piece of dry toast and a cup of tea.

“When Labour’s Rachel Reeves took away my winter fuel payments and taxed my pension, I just thought to myself, I worked my entire life and served my country in the armed forces to be treated like a fifth class citizen. I am now seriously considering borrowing my next door neighbour’s computer to go on Twitter to say something on mass immigration that will get me arrested by the Thoughtpolice of Two-tier Kier. At least in prison, they keep the heat on 24-7 and prisoners get three solid meals a day.”

In preparation for winter, lifetime Labour voter Mr. Fowkes was indeed arrested by the Two-tier Kier Thoughtpolice on Tuesday after voicing his opinion about illegal and legal mass migration on social media. He will be able to survive for a little more time, thankfully, after being sentenced to a six-year stretch at Belmarsh prison. He has been labelled by the left-wing media and Labour Party as a ‘far-right racist bigot’.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

4 COMMENTS

  1. Don’t underestimate this . Yesterday I managed to get a telephone consultation with my GP in six weeks time after breaking my hip. I’m in agony. It’s good they all get a pay rise because they need to work even after a round of golf.

  2. Hold on a second I disagree with this. Train drivers have every right to be paid 80,000 pounds and perks. They work very hard sitting in chairs and pressing a few buttons. This article is utter crud.

  3. I am prepared to forego my pension and heating allowance so that train drivers and GPs (who I cannot get an appointment with) can receive huge pay rises.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!