Violent Prisoner Asked to Leave Prison Before Finishing PS5 Game

BELMARSH - England - A violent prisoner asked to leave prison before finishing his PS5 game has decried the new Labour scheme.

Prisons are so full that the Government is releasing thousands of criminals early and have already let off 147,000 people accused of offences including violent rape, paedophilia, armed robbery, attempted murder, murder, violence, drug offences and weapons possession. The community resolutions scheme is letting off thousands of violent and deadly criminals into Britain’s already overcrowded, crime-ridden streets. The emptying of prisons by Labour is so bad, one violent prisoner was turfed out of his cushy cell before he could finish his PS5 game.

Crime Pays

“I was playing The Last of Us II and the warden pops his fucking head round the door. He simply said that they’re clearing out from orders from upon high. I should get my kit, my drugs, my George Foreman grill, espresso machine, PS5, and virtual reality set and sling my hook. I was going to be released in 45 minutes.

“I was not happy mate, I was in the middle of the Hillcrest chapter about to take down some WLF soldiers. I got this far, and they tell me to leave? I also had a pedicure booked for 4:30, and I had a one-hour slot booked with that hot Julie, the new guard, she always drains my balls till they’re like raisins. I think I’ll celebrate being thrown out of prison by beating the living shit out of some random stranger when I get out, then frogmarching them to the cashpoint.”

Looks like the former prisoner will have to finish his game on the outside, but not before he continues committing another violent robbery or a hundred.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by

Recent Posts

Genius of Mossad: Hezbollah Now Reduced to Communicating Via Donkey Couriers

BEIRUT - Lebanon - After 1000s of pagers exploded, terrorist group Hezbollah are now reduced…

5 hours ago

Trump Reveals New Golf Cart

FLORIDA - USA - After the most recent assassination attempt at Trump's golf course, the…

22 hours ago

PANIC STATIONS: Mass Exodus of Wealthy Face Labour “Exit Tax”

LONDON - England - Panic is spreading like wildfire across the country as those trying…

23 hours ago

Just Another Trump Assassination Attempt – Nothing to See Here Folks!

FLORIDA - USA - Nothing to see here, folks, it's just another Trump assassination attempt.

2 days ago

Donald Trump’s Lewinsky Moment – Laura Loomer?

WASHINGTON D.C. - USA - Is Donald Trump having a Bill Clinton, Lewinsky moment? The…

3 days ago

Entire Labour Government to Disappear Into Imaginary £22 Billion Black Hole

CAMBRIDGE - England - The entire Labour government will soon get sucked into an imaginary…

5 days ago

This website uses cookies.