17.7 C
London
Sunday, November 17, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldPAY RISE: Train Drivers to Receive 80k Thanks to Labour Unions

PAY RISE: Train Drivers to Receive 80k Thanks to Labour Unions

CHELMSFORD - England - The ASLEF train union and Labour Party will agree another massive pay rise for train drivers.

Mentioning a soviet Marxist union in the same breath as the Labour Party is the thing to do, especially as Britain’s train drivers are to be awarded another massive pay rise. Buying a train ticket in Britain is a very expensive experience, even if you want to travel for a short journey. One can only pity the poor bastards who have to commute to their work every day and spend the majority of their salary to do so.

Being a train driver is an idyllic and very well-paid job, where you get paid vast sums of money to simply sit in a train for a few hours a day and enjoy the views of the country as it whizzes by. Not only does one receive a pretty decent salary, but there are free travel perks for you and your family, and a gold plaited pension plan. With flexible working hours, and long holidays whenever you wish, life is good for a train driver on an automated train that does practically everything for you anyway.

“I am worth 80k plus all the benefits because when I sit on the train driver’s chair sometimes I can get cramp in my leg during the journey. I move my leg a bit, and it’s OK then, although sometimes the pins and needles I get can be slightly annoying. After a day’s work, I abscond to my luxury home and drive my Ferrari to my local shop to buy some champagne and caviar. This year I will be holidaying in Tuscany at my villa, where I will be waited on by my personal staff. I’m not married, so I can order up an assortment of escorts each night which gives me some respite from the monotony of my job of sitting in my driver’s train and flicking through my phone all day,” a train driver from Chelmsford and ASLEF Union member revealed after the pay rise announcement.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

8 COMMENTS

  1. It costs less to book a flight to Paris than take a small trip on a train in the UK. There’s something very wrong with that.

  2. Labour is creating a 20 billion quid blackhole with paying the unions and gps.

    Don’t worry you the voter will pay for everything.

  3. I am a train driver and ASLEF member and I reject this view you have of us. I do not holiday in a place like Tuscany but I go to Monaco each year because another train driver friend of mine has a yacht out there.

  4. The train drivers have rejected the latest massive pay rise offered by Labour and want even more money. You can’t make this sh-t up!!

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!