17.7 C
London
Monday, September 16, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldKomissariat-5 Comrade Reeves: "Pensioners Will Be Required to Die Earlier"

Komissariat-5 Comrade Reeves: “Pensioners Will Be Required to Die Earlier”

SCUNTHORPE - England - Comrade Reeves Stasi Kommandant of Finance for Labour has ordered the early death of pensioners.

Comrade Reeves of the Komissiarat-5 Stasi Unit has revealed her plans for Britain’s pensioners at a recent impromptu committee meeting to Labour Politburo members.

“Comrades, fellow Marxists, eugenicists, and esteemed Labour Stasi Politburo colleagues. We need money urgently. I have outlined a comprehensive plan of theft from old people, from pensioners. These people who installed us into power and supported our party must be robbed of all their riches and wealth immediately.

“Furthermore, these pensioners are taking too long to die. This is not good for the Big State because it takes too long to rob these vile old people of their wealth with inheritance tax when they eventually die.

“I have ordered the removal of their winter fuel payments so more of them freeze to death in the winter, but this is not enough.

“If these pensioners do not die by a certain age, we may have to bring forth measures to put them in Gulags and work them to death. We are currently building such facilities in the regions of Scunthorpe, Grimsby, Manchester and Liverpool, with additional facilities planned in Scotland.

“If these measures do not suffice, we have also arranged for special pensioner hunting squads to go house to house, care home to care home and to eliminate these cash cows with bullets. Special squads are being trained right now to go forth and do the state’s much needed work by shooting the pensioners in the back of their heads. We must raise money immediately, especially for the Net Zero Purge, and salary increases for key Big State workers.

“The state will take care of this situation with the utmost clinical precision. Rest be assured, after we kill off the burdensome pensioners and rob them of everything they own, we will move on to the middle-aged and then on to the young.”

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

3 COMMENTS

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!