Stephen Hawking Discovered Entire New Universe on Epstein Island

Unfortunately, many of the new discoveries were not in any of the astrophysics books penned by Stephen Hawking, but appear in court documents released by US Judge Loretta Preska. The unsealed documents name more than 170 people who were either associates, friends or paid concubines of financier Epstein, who had a penchant for young women.

Black holes

“Forget about the magnetosphere or microquasars or even Lagrange points, Hawking was introduced to an entirely different universe of full body massages, triplet three girl fellatios and full-blown groaning orgies by Epstein and his associates. By the end of it, Hawking radiation was just a distant memory,” an attendee at one of the soirées revealed.

Testing the theory of gravity

One can only imagine the clunky wheelchair of Stephen Hawking moving around franticly or running over Prince Andrew’s foot as the proceedings went on.

“Just a little more to the left,” Hawking’s robotic voice says as a blonde head is eagerly bobbing up and down. It’s no big deal that professor Hawking enjoyed the joys of flesh with young women, as any man would.

Beware of the pool though, if an out of control wheelchair suddenly propels itself over the diving board and into the drink it would be a sullen end to the festivities.