Hello, the Daily Squib is inviting all global billionaires from around the world to pay us $500,000 each for a once-in-a-lifetime trip to the underwater grave of the Titanic.
This amazing one way trip will be from our specially designed prototype submarine we made out of fibreglass, sellotape, and gorilla glue. We also will be piloting the submarine with a Sega Dreamcast controller from 1988 which we bought on eBay for £3.25 on auction.
Titanium and steel is for pussies, the hull of the submarine is constructed from fibreglass which shatters when under stress. Look, it’s cheaper and lighter to use fibreglass, and as for certification, who needs that shit anyway.
The submarine was tested in a pool with a depth of 6 metres, and we think this is enough to show that the craft will implode at a depth of 15,000 ft.
If you are a billionaire, or better still, a trillionaire, please contact us immediately to reserve your place for your final trip. You will pay $500,000 to see the wreck of the Titanic just before the entire craft implodes and your body disintegrates into fish food. Do not worry, you will not feel anything, it will be a millisecond implosion.
The Daily Squib submarine can fit in five billionaires at a time, and once that one goes, give us half an hour to knock up another submarine to accommodate all the other billionaires lining up for the trip. All passengers will be required to sign a waiver after paying, stipulating that this will be a one way trip.
APPLY HERE: Squib Titanic Sub Trip, P.O. Box 3452, London, W1Y 3DA, United Kingdom. Cheques for $500,000 for each passenger must be included, payable to “Daily Squib”.
