Conspiracy theorists across the world were today checking their manuals and re-reading their conspiracy literature in a state of anguish. According to their theories, Queen Elizabeth II was a shape-shifting lizard who enjoyed consuming human flesh and not a frail old 96-year-old lady.
“I don’t get it. According to my theories, the Queen should have reverted back to her original shape as a reptilian lizard when she died. Instead, she remained in her human form as a sweet old lady,” David Bike, a prominent conspiracy theorist, revealed on his website.
Another conspiracy theorist, Arbunckle Teufel from Texas was adamant that the Queen was involved in a ceremonial ritual to transfer her soul into a young virgin maiden’s body at the exact moment of her passing.
“Listen to me. High priestesses from the Black Order assembled at the Queen’s bedside as she was on the way out. From there, they brought in a young virgin girl reared from birth for this very role. She willingly gave her body as a physical vessel for the Queen, who has used up her old body to the point of exhaustion and old age. After a series of intricate incantations, the transfer process took place upon the last breath of the Queen and the freshly deceased young girl wakes up.”
In other conspiracy news: The earth is still flat, The moon is hollow, and dimwit rapper Jay Z is part of the Illuminati.
Perhaps it’s because Lizzy was never a reptile?