Mike Pence was today hailed as the hero of the hour, the man who stood his ground to Donald Trump and saved America with the election of Joe Biden.
“If it was not for the bravery of Mike Pence, we would not be in the situation we are today in America. Stock market down by thousands per day, huge gas prices, huge deficit, food inflation, no baby food, imminent war with Russia, an Afghan nightmare, interest rate rises that will bring many to destitution, mass poverty, cities full of homeless, insane inflationary pressure, please excuse me if I forgot something,” a Democrat representative at the January 6 hearing said today.
Mike Pence is now set for the 2024 elections, and many Democrats may even vote for him.
Speaking today at a symposium for American Energy, Mike Pence was adamant that he had the right credentials to go for the 2024 ticket.
“First of all folks, I want to tell y’all about my favourite colour of all time. It has to be yella, you see that colour sums me up a lot. I is as yella as a streak of piss, I’m yella, and I am proud to be yella. I love all things yello, even jello, and I make sure all my vehicles are covered in bright yella paint. Some say I am a coward, a yella bellied coward who betrayed people. I tell ’em that I am and I am proud to be a coward, because I am a yella piece of shit coward. You see that lemon over there (pointing at a lemon) that lemon is yella, and fine as it is, it is the colour I always aspired to be when I was a little kid. I said to my Pops, I said when I grow up, I wanna be a yella sumbitch. My Pa looked at me, then unfurled his belt and gave me a damn good hiding. Made a man of me. He said he didn’t want no yella belly cowards in the family, but I defied him and became my own man, or should I say quarter of a man. Now I am the biggest, proudest yella belly coward in America, maybe the goddamn world! S’cuse me while I go and hide somewhere away from my own shadow…it scares the hell out of me! Yow! I just saw my own shadow! Jeepers that is so scary! (shivering uncontrollably).”
