Comrade Cameron Says No More Internet For Proles

LONDON - England - Comrade Cameron and the Mumsnet Commissariat have ordered all proles to stop looking at previously legal carnal images and videos on the internet.

“Comrades, I’ll let you all into a secret, when I’m home alone, I like to dress up in old Victorian dresses and pretend my name is Mary Whitehouse. But I’m your leader so I’m allowed to do that. From now on all proles will be disallowed from watching anything saucy on the now Soviet controlled internet. Only members of the Houses of Parliament and House of Lords, Soviet local council staff and Whitehall Soviet civil servants, as well as hypocritical Daily Mail staff and readers will have that privilege. Cor! Look at the jugs on ‘er. I am at this moment surfing the internet, excuse me while I go and bash my Menshevik,” Comrade Cameron said whilst supposedly addressing the nation last night.

Comrade Cameron, in addition to banning all previously legal online rudeness, is going to increase the schools’ LGBT programming of primary school children as well as celebrate the glorification of gratuitous hardcore violence in all its forms in the media. The supreme leader says that it is imperative that the state corrupts our children from a young age in schools and not at home on the internet.

As the Soviet Coalition’s diktats go, this one is fairly simple. Any prole caught jockeying off in the internets will be detained and taken from whence they live, probably in the early hours of the morning, to an undisclosed Soviet detention re-education facility somewhere in sector 101 (Northern Soviet England) where they will be purged of all their un-Soviet ways.

Comrade Cameron, sometimes called Comrade Whitehouse, also encourages family members to report other family members, or work colleagues, of any internet naughty stuff viewing to the state for which they will be handsomely rewarded with an extra two ounces chocolate ration per annum. State family control is a necessery function of the Soviet system and from now on all parenting will be dictated to the proles by the state.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by

Recent Posts

“Two Jags” John Prescott Goes to the Great Pie in the Abyss

HELL - The Eternal Inferno - "Two Jags" former Labour Deputy John Prescott will soon…

7 hours ago

Experts: How Peaceful Protest Against Labour Tyranny Can Work

LONDON - England - A think tank has outlined methods ordinary citizens can conduct peaceful…

9 hours ago

Forget Bacon and Eggs Labour Want to Replace Traditional Farms With Maggot Farms

GRIMSBY - England - Labour is planning to completely exterminate and erase traditional farms, replacing…

23 hours ago

Prince Harry Consults Elon Musk About Travelling to Mars

MONTECITO - USA - Prince Harry is in consultation with Elon Musk about travelling to…

1 day ago

Comrade Xi Jinping Commends Comrade Starmer on Soviet Britain’s Communist Vision

RIO DE JANAIRO - Brazil - Comrade Xi Jinping has praised Comrade Starmer for crushing…

2 days ago

Support the Farmers and Their Protest Against Unjust Labour Tax

LONDON - England - Farmers are in Westminster today protesting an unjust Labour tax that…

2 days ago

This website uses cookies.