17.7 C
London
Thursday, November 21, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldGlobalism Update: We've Got Four Years Work to Catch Up

Globalism Update: We’ve Got Four Years Work to Catch Up

BEIJING - China - After four years of Trump, globalism has a lot of catching up to do. Hail the new era of Chinese supremacy.

Hi, it’s your globalist masters here. We finally kicked out that irritation we had in the White House. It was certainly not easy work, and we had to spend billions of dollars paying off the right people, but we eventually got the job done. What with cutting off the voice of the dissenters and rigging the election we eventually installed our puppet.

The puppet we installed, he’ll be gone soon too, but let’s keep quiet about that one for now.

So, it’s back to globalisation folks, especially in America, we have a lot of catching up to do. What with reversing everything the idiot in the White House did in four years, we have a lot of laws, legislation, gun grabbing, nationalistic foreign policy to reverse.

First off on our agenda — China, you’re back in the fold. You have already pilfered all our intellectual property and military secrets, but we’re going to have to give you more secrets to bolster your military further. We’re also going to have to invite your key workers (CCP spies) back into our companies and universities. America will also revert to the trading system before Trump came into office and messed things up. You need to make money off our backs as we fire our workers and give you all the business, we understand. This is globalism after all.

Our model for the world is China, a country that has always been our darling. We will increase censorship, and model everything on your evil communist system. Citizen credit scores, slave labour, midnight disappearances, and communist re-education camps for all those adorable American patriots.

We will also install a 5G Chinese mast in every neighbourhood so all the lovely globalised citizens living there can get tumours in a few years, if they’re lucky.

So, there you go globalist comrades, fellow Bilderbergers, Tony Blair, Obama, Xi Jinping and all the others, we have a lot of work ahead of us, as soon as China Joe is inaugurated illegally, we will start rebuilding the NWO.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!