Top Exorcist Claims He Rid World of 160,000 Demons From His Own Mind

ROME - Italy - The Catholic Church's top exorcist, who claims to have sent 160,000 imaginary demons back to hell, from his own mind says he wants Pope Francis to allow all priests to start performing the ritual to deal with the scourge of some very sick delusional puppies walking around the streets and churches around the world.

Father Alfonso Jimbob, 51, who also heads the International Association of Exorcists, told The Sunday Times that he will ask Pope Francis to allow all priests the right to do exorcisms on their own minds without the church’s approval. According to the report, priests currently need special approval from their bishop to perform the rite or someone higher up from a bishop or even higher up in the hierarchy higher than the bishop bishop bishop.

“I will ask the pope to give all priests the power to carry out exorcisms, because we create these delusions with our own minds and belief systems after centuries of brainwashing,” said Father Jimbob.

He explained that he was inspired to make the request after watching Pope Francis perform what he insists was an exorcism on a man “possessed by four imaginary demons” in St. Peter’s Square.

“This dude believed he was possessed by demons so I saw the Pope perform an imaginary ritual on someone who believed what he was experiencing was a demonic possession. This is my world view and the view of many Catholics around the world. It’s kind of dangerous that we’re actually walking around huh?”

Father Jimbob then went on to say: “If I believe something with all my heart and soul, then it must be true huh? I just saw some demons jump into that ice cream truck over there. Like I saw it with my own eyes..jibber, jibber, jabber..whoop..whoop!”

These events all actually happened.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by
Tags: christians

Recent Posts

Tories Choose Non-Hardline Diversity Candidate Kemi Badenoch as Next Leader

LONDON - England - The Tories have chosen Kemi Badenoch as their new leader.

3 hours ago

The Dekulakization of British Farms is Underway

THE COUNTRYSIDE - England - Say goodbye to British farms as Labour conducts a policy…

10 hours ago

Early Votes Indicate Kamala Harris Will Win Election

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Kamala Harris is well ahead with early ballots counted, and…

1 day ago

Kamala Harris Wants to Do Rally With Load of Garbage

MILWAUKEE - USA - The Kamala Harris election campaign team want her to do a…

2 days ago

Bond Markets Digest the Nightmare Debt Bomb Labour Budget

LONDON - England - The financial and bond markets have sadly digested the utter lies…

3 days ago

Biden Hate Speech: “Trump Supporters Are Garbage!”

WASHINGTON DC - USA - According to Joe Biden "Trump supporters are garbage" as he…

3 days ago

This website uses cookies.