Bible Historians Uncover Scripture Revealing That Jesus Could Not Swim

JERUSALEM - Israel - According to a new archaeological find, Jesus Christ could not swim, but was proficient in the art of walking on water.

Found in a dusty forgotten corner of Jerusalem, bible historians and archaeologists have recovered parchment papers revealing the incredible discovery that Jesus Christ of Nazereth, otherwise known as the Messiah could not swim — but he could walk on water, amongst his many miracles.

Professor of Theology at Arkansas University, Brad Furlong, discovered the parchment which dates back to the first century AD.

“The parchment was part of the New Testament and it was signed by the apostle St. Paul. It details the fact that Jesus was a very poor swimmer, and nearly drowned once when he fell off his fishing boat. The fact that Jesus could walk on water was only mentioned at the end of the short script, and St. Paul reckons that Jesus was given a helping hand by God when he walked on water.”

The archaeological team worked for six weeks to uncover the find and avoided any coronavirus lockdown in place.

“By the grace of God, and the saviour of humankind, Jesus, we were able to find this rare parchment which we will give to the Vatican library for safe keeping,” the professor added.

Christians across the globe were astounded at the new news about Jesus, and have started Christian swimming clubs to praise their Lord. No one however has mastered the art of walking on water yet.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by

Recent Posts

WW3 WATCH: Why is Russia Mass Producing Nuclear Shelters?

MOSCOW - Russia - The Kremlin has ordered the mass production of nuclear shelters throughout…

2 days ago

EXPERTS: “Net Zero” is Impossible to Achieve Unless…

LONDON - England - The Earthwise think tank has outlined why it is futile for…

2 days ago

Netanyahu Forced to Travel in Disguise After ICC Puts Out Arrest Warrant

TEL AVIV - Israel - Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu may be forced to wear a…

2 days ago

“Two Jags” John Prescott Goes to the Great Pie in the Abyss

HELL - The Eternal Inferno - "Two Jags" former Labour Deputy John Prescott will soon…

2 days ago

Experts: How Peaceful Protest Against Labour Tyranny Can Work

LONDON - England - A think tank has outlined methods ordinary citizens can conduct peaceful…

3 days ago

Forget Bacon and Eggs Labour Want to Replace Traditional Farms With Maggot Farms

GRIMSBY - England - Labour is planning to completely exterminate and erase traditional farms, replacing…

3 days ago

This website uses cookies.