Mrs Jesus Christ Kept Her Husband’s Robe Freshly Ironed

JERUSALEM - Israel - A newly discovered piece of papyrus has brought new light into the life of Jesus, a professor and expert in Christianity at Harvard Divinity School has revealed.

Professor Angela Balls, has revealed the astounding revelations that Jesus had a wife and not only that she was a dab hand at the iron.

“Jesus liked to have a nice shiny white robe every morning. Do you think for one second he could have done that if he was a single man? Well, it was Mary’s job to have that thing starched and sharp. You can’t have a scruffy Son of God prancing around the temples and hills around Galilee, or what about when he was walking on water, he’s got to look tip top. It gets dirty and sandy out there, his robe must have been filthy after a hard days curing the blind and raising the dead. In the papyrus, Jesus was said to thank her for ironing his white cloak everyday and her services to him otherwise. It is a spectacular find and we are absolutely amazed that the find proves that Jesus was just a bloke like every other bloke. If he’d been around today, he’d watch the footy down the pub, come back home and expect his dinner to be on the table or there’d be trouble. Of course, I’d whack him round the bonce if he tried that with me.”

However, there has been some skepticism from right wing Christian evangelists in America to the new find.

“Jesus was the Son of God, he could cure lepers with a wave of his hand, I don’t think he needed a woman to iron his cloak. Besides, Jesus was hangin’ out with dinosaurs and the earth is only 5,000 years old. Bloot, bloot, gobba, gobba, tweerit..aaargh..malfunction..malfuuuncti..i..i.on..dzzz.dzz..dzzz,” Jim West, a professor and Baptist pastor in Tennessee said, before being stretchered away by paramedics.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by
Tags: jesus

Recent Posts

WW3 WATCH: Why is Russia Mass Producing Nuclear Shelters?

MOSCOW - Russia - The Kremlin has ordered the mass production of nuclear shelters throughout…

12 hours ago

EXPERTS: “Net Zero” is Impossible to Achieve Unless…

LONDON - England - The Earthwise think tank has outlined why it is futile for…

13 hours ago

Netanyahu Forced to Travel in Disguise After ICC Puts Out Arrest Warrant

TEL AVIV - Israel - Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu may be forced to wear a…

23 hours ago

“Two Jags” John Prescott Goes to the Great Pie in the Abyss

HELL - The Eternal Inferno - "Two Jags" former Labour Deputy John Prescott will soon…

1 day ago

Experts: How Peaceful Protest Against Labour Tyranny Can Work

LONDON - England - A think tank has outlined methods ordinary citizens can conduct peaceful…

1 day ago

Forget Bacon and Eggs Labour Want to Replace Traditional Farms With Maggot Farms

GRIMSBY - England - Labour is planning to completely exterminate and erase traditional farms, replacing…

2 days ago

This website uses cookies.