17.7 C
London
Friday, November 22, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldNew ASBO Schools to Have Own Prison Wings

New ASBO Schools to Have Own Prison Wings

LEEDS - England - The government is drafting a new White paper for the introduction of ASBO schools that will have their own prison wings for disruptive pupils.

Teachers are regularly assaulted by uncontrollable violent children in Britain’s state schools, and the government has come up with a great solution to an awful problem, the introduction of on-site prison wings on the school premises.

Asbo Academies

Each academy will need an estimated cost of £9.5 million to build including the prison quarters. The taxpayer, from 2013 will have to foot an additional £540 million per annum for these Asbo academies to be introduced across the country.

Parents and councillors welcomed the new ruling.

The detention wings will hold pupils indefinitely and there will even be on-site school courts so that pupils can go straight from the classroom to jail in one fell swoop.

“We’ve had about thirty teachers beaten up by the little toe rags. Naturally you can’t lay a finger on them or you’ll be arrested yourself so this new prison on the school site is a welcome relief,” Mathew Arbunckle, a Maths teacher, who was recovering in hospital after receiving multiple stab wounds in the classroom, told the BBC.

The Education Secretary said today: “Britain is teeming with feral violent children and it seems this is the only way to deal with the situation.”

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

2 COMMENTS

  1. 12 Hoop Earrings
    11 Fake Armani's
    10 Lambert & Butler
    9pm Curfew
    8 Young children
    7 Different fathers
    6oz of Cocaine
    5 Sovereign Rings!!
    4 Stolen alloys
    3 Different ASBO's
    2 Can's of Stella
    And a brand new brown baby

    Christmas time, the Chav way.

  2. So the government are scrapping the ASBO.

    Do they not realise that's the only qualification some kids will receive????

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!