World

Tony Blair on Suicide Watch

SCUNTHORPE - England - Former Labour PM, Tony Blair was taken away to an asylum last night and is under suicide watch, after he viewed the election results.

The former Labour PM, Tony Blair, has unfortunately taken a turn for the worse, after viewing the election results during the night.

“We received a phone call from Mr Blair’s wife, Cherie, last night because her husband Tony had been acting strangely after seeing the election results. The only thing he can say now is the word ‘remain’, and attacks anything physically that says the word ‘exit’,” a doctor for special hospital where Mr Blair is now being kept.

According to reports, it took six attendants to escort Mr. Blair from his Westminster property, at one point biting a road sign with the word ‘exit’ on it.

No one is sure how long the former PM will be in the asylum, because he is also on suicide watch, and is considered a very serious case by doctors in the facility.

“We think he just snapped. He says the word ‘remain’ every ten seconds, and we have had to give him a chemical lobotomy to calm him down. We are considering giving him a real lobotomy, however, in his case it would not have any effect.”

Another former Labour PM, Gordon Brown is also very ill after being forced out of Number 10, he now talks to furniture, and is a tramp in his old constituency Kirkcaldy.

Watch this space to find out what happens to the unelectable Jeremy Corbyn in the future.

Help Support Independent Publishers

PLEASE SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB We fight for freedom, justice and coffee.
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by
Tags: blairlabour

Recent Posts

“When yo kids hungry jus’ take ’em to da sto!”

ATLANTA - USA - We're getting some sage advice from denizens of the African American…

2 days ago

Celebrity Couple ‘ARE dating’ and ‘have been together for ‘over a year’

HOLLYWOOD - USA - A celebrity couple are dating and have been together for over…

3 days ago

Commissar Reeves Announces Great News About the Shrinking UK Economy

SCUNTHORPE - England - The shrinking UK economy thanks to Commissar Reeves is now lower…

3 days ago

Experts: The Globe is Entering a New Trump Renaissance

WASHINGTON D.C. - USA - According to experts at a prominent think tank, the globe…

3 days ago

Trump: “Don’t call me a flip-flopper. I don’t wear flip-flops!”

WASHINGTON D.C. - USA - The Donald has denied he is a flip-flopper or wears…

3 days ago

Comrade Starmer Appoints New Big State Tsar to Fix Big State

GRIMSBY - England - Comrade Starmer has appointed a new Big State tsar to fix…

3 days ago

This website uses cookies.