World

Why Does Donald Tusk Need Four Glasses of Water?

BRUSSELS - Belgium - Experts across Europe are trying to figure out why Donald Tusk has four meticulously filled and spaced glasses of water on his podium.

Political experts are trying to find the significance of outgoing EU President of the European Council, Donald Tusk having four immaculately distanced glasses of water on his podium whilst speaking at the College of Europe yesterday.

Analyst at the European Political Research Agency, Hernandez Tortilla, revealed some clues.

“The four glasses of water are distanced with precision, and the measuring in each glass is perfect. These glasses are clean, and sat next to a bottle of water. The key to this conundrum is which glass of water would Tusk choose to drink? Is this some sort of secret code? If he drinks the first glass to his left, it may mean order, if he however picks one of the middle glasses this could mean an undecided nature, if he drinks all glasses of water in quick succession, from left to right or from right to left, this would mean he’s fucking thirsty. These are some of the variables we are dealing with, and we have a team of thirty people analysing the glasses of water right now in our offices.”

As teams across Europe and the United Kingdom crunch this problem, Mr. Tusk  blabbers on inanely moaning about this, moaning about that, and saying some not very nice things about Blighty.

It’s a good thing he hasn’t taken his four glasses of water to a pub somewhere in Britain, or he might get a good traditional British glassing in the face.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by

Recent Posts

WW3 WATCH: Why is Russia Mass Producing Nuclear Shelters?

MOSCOW - Russia - The Kremlin has ordered the mass production of nuclear shelters throughout…

3 hours ago

EXPERTS: “Net Zero” is Impossible to Achieve Unless…

LONDON - England - The Earthwise think tank has outlined why it is futile for…

5 hours ago

Netanyahu Forced to Travel in Disguise After ICC Puts Out Arrest Warrant

TEL AVIV - Israel - Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu may be forced to wear a…

15 hours ago

“Two Jags” John Prescott Goes to the Great Pie in the Abyss

HELL - The Eternal Inferno - "Two Jags" former Labour Deputy John Prescott will soon…

1 day ago

Experts: How Peaceful Protest Against Labour Tyranny Can Work

LONDON - England - A think tank has outlined methods ordinary citizens can conduct peaceful…

1 day ago

Forget Bacon and Eggs Labour Want to Replace Traditional Farms With Maggot Farms

GRIMSBY - England - Labour is planning to completely exterminate and erase traditional farms, replacing…

2 days ago

This website uses cookies.