Comrade Corbyn of the Soviet Labour Party of Britain has revealed his 10-year collectivist plan to bring order to Soviet Britain.
Speaking from his dacha in Islington, North London, Comrade Corbyn spoke with great authority about his plans for Britain.
“First thing we will do is imprison and try all rich people in Britain for the crime of aspiration. For us Soviets, to aspire to increase your wealth is nothing but theft unless it is a high party member of course.
“We are for the many, therefore, we will redistribute the riches of wealthy businesses and individuals giving it to the people who don’t deserve it and have never bothered to improve themselves.
“Everyone in the UK who has either registered to be a Conservative in the past or is one today, will be arrested and thrown into one of the many Gulags we shall build in Northern Britain. For high ranking Conservatives like Boris Johnson, they will be hanged in Red Trafalgar Square in front of Soviet crowds.
“All private property in Britain will be banned and redistributed by the state. All properties with gardens will be forced to pay extra state rental taxation.
“All newspapers and media companies will be nationalized and state owned. Any journalist that does not write state sanctioned articles will be imprisoned and installed in a re-education camp.
“All private schools in Britain will be overtaken by the state, and their assets sold off, redistributed to the masses.
“Labour will introduce food rations for every household. Because of our Soviet generosity, to commemorate our election win, chocolate rations will be increased within the first month by 20 grams per household.
“Everyone is entitled to an education, and we will send every child from the age of six months to education camps where they will be taught how to be good Soviets, and learn about the value of communism.
“Everyone is entitled to a home. This is why will build vast blocks of soulless Soviet towers, with lovely flammable cladding on the outside to make them look pretty. We will build rows and rows of these buildings across the concreted countryside.
“Everyone is entitled to health care. This is why we will invite as many immigrants as we can from all over the world, so they too can use your limited health care for free, leaving Soviet citizens with little or no health care funds available.
“Under my Soviet system of order, every citizen will be entitled to live a life of equal misery, and to die early in a grimy Soviet Gulag or hospital.
“Thank you Comrades for your vote in the last real election Britain will ever see. From now on, there will only be an election every thirty years to show how democratic we are with only one party to vote for — the Labour party. United we stand under One Soviet!”
