World

Happy St George’s Day

SECTOR 101 - EU - Today was St George's day and EU citizens were told to celebrate even though they did not know why.

It’s a happy St George’s Day in EUngland (EU Sector 101) today.

All over the EU sector soviet citizens and comrades have been celebrating St George, but many do not know anything about the story or why they are celebrating.

In Manchester street parties were held, and everyone waved EU flags in total ignorance to what they used to fly as a flag in the past.

“I heard it used to be a flag of a big red circle,” one man said.

Another man chimed in and postulated “I fink it was a big star and a moon, or summink like that.”

In London, where no one speaks English anymore, the street parties were jovial with only a few rabid stabbings.

“Sunt doar aici pentru beneficii,” a Londoner replied when asked what the significance of St George’s day was, whilst chomping on a large cabbage roll called a Sarmale.

One woman was adamant that she knew the significance of St George’s day.

“Dawno, dawno temu był facet o imieniu St George. To wszystko co wiem.”

Meanwhile at 10 Downing street, the EU sector Kommandant, Theresa Von May, was flying the EU flag at full mast to celebrate St George’s Day.

She addressed the nation with a telivisual communique to celebrate this wondrous day.

[Translated from German] “Comrades, today I would like to honour all soviet EU citizens within this sector. I have been asked by my superiors in Berlin to thank you all for capitulating throughout the terrible years of Brexit threat and to allow this former country to be completely swallowed up by the soviet EU superstate where Marxist collectivism is key to our functionality. All citizens will be given an increase in sugar rations by half a gram, and you will have an increase of one segment of chocolate for the day. Thank you for your endearing surrender. Long live the EU! Niech żyje Unia Europejska! Trăiască Uniunea Europeană! Da zhivee Evropeĭskiyat sŭyuz! Jetoni gjatë Bashkimit Evropian!”

Additional news — in sector 101-D, formerly Dalston, an Albanian man was arrested after an altercation with three Poles, one Bulgarian, five Romanians, and sixteen Afro-Caribbean gentlemen who had previously been on a pickpocket and stabbing spree leaving 49 people dead. All detainees were released without charge and given warnings at the insistence of the London Mayor Siddiqistan.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by

Recent Posts

Netanyahu Forced to Travel in Disguise After ICC Puts Out Arrest Warrant

TEL AVIV - Israel - Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu may be forced to wear a…

8 hours ago

“Two Jags” John Prescott Goes to the Great Pie in the Abyss

HELL - The Eternal Inferno - "Two Jags" former Labour Deputy John Prescott will soon…

18 hours ago

Experts: How Peaceful Protest Against Labour Tyranny Can Work

LONDON - England - A think tank has outlined methods ordinary citizens can conduct peaceful…

20 hours ago

Forget Bacon and Eggs Labour Want to Replace Traditional Farms With Maggot Farms

GRIMSBY - England - Labour is planning to completely exterminate and erase traditional farms, replacing…

1 day ago

Prince Harry Consults Elon Musk About Travelling to Mars

MONTECITO - USA - Prince Harry is in consultation with Elon Musk about travelling to…

2 days ago

Comrade Xi Jinping Commends Comrade Starmer on Soviet Britain’s Communist Vision

RIO DE JANAIRO - Brazil - Comrade Xi Jinping has praised Comrade Starmer for crushing…

3 days ago

This website uses cookies.