17.7 C
London
Saturday, November 2, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldWhat Became of the Treacherous Brexit Saboteurs?

What Became of the Treacherous Brexit Saboteurs?

THE TOWER OF LONDON - England - Since the Remainer plot to halt Brexit was foiled, the saboteurs have been rooted out, and held in a stinking dungeon.

The stench of the dungeon hits the nasal passage like a Tyson left hook, a pungent aroma of freshly laid vomit, faeces, urine, blood and stale body odour.

“I just made a ploppy in that corner,” an agitated Anna Soubry, jostling for some space in the crowded dank cellar of inequity tells her fellow saboteurs.

Since the Remainer plots to thwart and stop Brexit failed miserably, everyone in the country now knows who these treacherous lickspittle swine are, their names, their faces, where they live, who they talk to and foremost, what they have done.

“I demand a people’s vote, I demand a people’s vote, I dema..” Blair says over and over again, his ears twitch in the near darkness, he continues his mantra, the one his Brussels masters told him to say.

Suddenly, a voice in the darkness tells Blair to “shut the fuck up”. The dark lord leans into a solitary shaft of light flinching in obvious pain. This Prince of Darkness, defeated by an enemy who saw through his plot to thwart Brexit, tweaks his moustache with dedicated care. Mandy, as his close friends call him, grabs Blair by the ear and snarls into his face.

“I told you that one would never work. The people’s vote, what a load of codswallop. I should never have listened to you and your masters in Brussels. They should have listened to my plan exclusively.”

Out of a rat hole, a little head peeks out. It senses an air of discord, then shouts in a hoarse voice “Order, order!” before saying “Division! Clear the Lobby!” then scuttling back into its hole.

“Excuse me, can I say something please? I think I had the best plan,” a squeaky voiced, Grieve yelps in an animated fashion.

“You can shut the fuck up as well!” the Dark Lord shouts.

As the Prince of Darkness slinks back into the shadows, an odious puff of smoke wafts over the whole sorry congregation making everyone cough.

Ken lumbers into the centre of the room, and lets off a large fart.

“When’s dinner served in this bloody place? Since we have been put here, all we get is some sort of measly mush. It’s not exactly Claridges is it? Bugger this, I’m so hungry right now I’m capable of eating one of the ladies (points a fat finger at Amber Rudd).

Before anyone can blink, the scuttling feverish sound of Rudd scrambling away is countered by a salivating Ken Clarke biting down on her left buttock.

Dinner, certainly, has been served..

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!