17.7 C
London
Sunday, December 22, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldMeghan Markle Aides Could Be Replaced by Robot Says Palace

Meghan Markle Aides Could Be Replaced by Robot Says Palace

WINDSOR - England - The Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle, has suffered many staff resignations due to her demanding temperament, however the palace may have come up with a suitable solution.

ai

After seven resignations of royal staff to the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle in less than two months due to her extreme demanding behaviour, the palace has come up with a novel solution to the problem.

“We have acquisitioned the help of a company in Silicon Valley to develop an AI robot that will be able to cope with the numerous demands from Meghan Markle. We hope to have the prototype ready for palatial duties by March,” a senior palace aide told the BBC on Monday.

Royal commentator Bartholomew Montague, has revealed a huge problem with the new implant into the Windsor family.

“This is what happens when you effectively bring someone in from the ghetto into royal circles. They have not been brought up in the proper manner, are lowly of birth, have no understanding of British sensibilities, let alone royal protocol. The American, Meghan is as common as they come, one only has to look at her ghastly family. Prince Harry frankly has taken the royal family back to the stone age with his choice of bride, and should be punished. Imagine picking a bride even more common than Kate Middleton, we thought it an impossibility. So what if she gives great fellatio, he could have found a dozen actual princesses across Europe who can do the job just as well.”

The royal court is already reeling with rumours of rifts between Meghan and Kate Middleton, and even the two brothers have had a wedge put between them.

“This stinks to high heaven. All the staff are leaving and this is why we have had to go to extreme measures by requesting a company in Silicon Valley design a robot to put up with the commoner’s ridiculous demands,” another disgusted royal aide revealed.

The robot will be able to process as many as 450 demands per minute, which should be more than enough for Meghan, however the software can be adjusted to include more if the need arises.

The robot named ‘Jeeves’ was temporarily introduced for a week into Meghan’s new Windsor home last week however blew up after 45 minutes when its circuits could not take anymore demands. The company behind the robot is already rolling out Jeeves 6.0 and will eventually roll out a robot that will be able to function under the extreme conditions without exploding in a ball of flames.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
ds-freedom-expression-banner
- Advertisment -ds-santa-banner

NEWS ON THE HOUR

ds-pope-banner

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!