17.7 C
London
Friday, November 22, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldEd Miliband to have Grotesque Stare Surgically Adjusted

Ed Miliband to have Grotesque Stare Surgically Adjusted

LONDON - England - Ed Miliband has been urged to have his grotesque staring eyes adjusted in a bid to make his appearance more appealing to voters.

Party aides hope that surgery to remove Mr Miliband’s repugnant gut wrenching stare, which cause voters to cower in terror, will make him less scary to look at, it is understood.

Spin doctors have been concerned about Mr Miliband’s delivery since his surprise backstabbing of his brother David in the battle for leadership of the party, the Daily Mirror reported.

Westminster political commentator, Harold Farquer, spoke about the Labour leader’s stare yesterday from parliament: “Red Ed’s psychotic stare fills the room with dread when he walks in. I’ve seen grown men cower in abject terror when the evil little bastard looks at them. As for women and children, they usually run away crying when they see him.”

It is thought that he plans to undergo the procedure – which takes a week to recover from – during Parliament’s long break this summer.

Surgeons at Harley Street have even suggested that Miliband may have to have his eyeballs removed completely and his eyelids remodelled before the procedure is completed. The operation will be very delicate and putting Miliband’s eyeballs back into their sockets could take more than three hours on the operating table.

“After they complete the eye surgery to remove his godawful evil stare, we want to focus on his horrible nasal voice that makes him sound like a Dalek from Doctor Who,” a party spin doctor told Labour’s Daily Mirror newspaper.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

3 COMMENTS

  1. The spin doctors tried this with Blunket in the seventies; obviously with limited success, although the dog was voter friendly!

  2. If I ever saw him in front of me i'd have this irresistable urge to smack him as hard as I can in the face. It would be an almighty swing and when it connected I would feel such pleasure that I would let out a sigh of relief.

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!