17.7 C
London
Friday, November 22, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldAndrew Sold Daughters to Pay Fergie Debts

Andrew Sold Daughters to Pay Fergie Debts

WINDSOR - England - Prince Andrew was embroiled in even more controversy today after it was revealed that Princess Eugenie and Beatrice were sold to billionaire Jeffrey Epstein to settle a fraction of Fergie's enormous debts.

You all may be wondering why you haven’t seen princess Beatrice and Eugenie of late.

Well, that’s because they’ve both been sold off to billionaire sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.

“He thought long and hard about the decision but was left with no choice. I think Andrew got twenty grand a piece for them. Yeah, so for both daughters he made forty grand which was used to pay off Fergie’s credit card bill for a single month,” Prince Andrew’s spokesman, Harold Jamon, told the BBC.

Even though the two girls are above fifteen years old and have officially left school, convicted paedo Epstein, was still interested in procuring the services of the princesses.

“They might still come in useful. He especially likes the wild eyed one. He said he wants to use her for hunting wild water voles in the Wisconsin countryside. Apparently, she can spot one of those critters from over 200 yards without the aid of binoculars; her eyes are so huge and stare with such intensity she is also used to scare away unwanted photographers and prosecutors. You don’t want to know what the other one has to do to please her new master,” Jamon revealed.

Now that Sarah Ferguson has had all her debts paid off, she can relax and rack up even more debts. Next time though, someone else might have to pay an even bigger price to pay off her reckless spending habits.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

2 COMMENTS

  1. Sarah Ferguson can get you a meeting with Prince Andrew for £500,000,

    However

    Phil the Greek can get you an hour with Prince Edward for £150, he'll do everything except kissing.

    Your move Fergie.

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!