17.7 C
London
Saturday, November 23, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldTourettes Air Traffic Controller Causes Christmas Chaos at Heathrow

Tourettes Air Traffic Controller Causes Christmas Chaos at Heathrow

LONDON - England - The icy runways and crowded gates of Heathrow were witness to an even wilder spectacle this Christmas getaway season, when an air traffic controller with a previously undiagnosed case of Tourettes syndrome was briefly put in charge.

The carnage began at 6am this morning when Dean Batts, a BAA traffic controller, suddenly started spouting expletives and various insults at the pilots trying to take off and land from the icy runways.

“He told a pilot coming in from San Diego that if he didn’t land in his allotted time he would get a ‘f*cking ratchet’ and slam it up where the sun don’t shine. A Chinese pilot coming in from Beijing was called a ‘slanty eyed pr*ck’ and as for the Nigerian airlines staff, I can’t even begin to repeat what they heard. I’ve never heard so many ‘C words’ in one sentence,” Keith Barrow, senior air traffic controller for BAA told the Times.

The expletive ridden air traffic session lasted for all of twelve minutes before Mr Batts was wrestled to the ground and hauled away by airport security.

“This was the last thing we needed, it’s hairy enough out there with all the ice, snow and blizzards,” Mr Barrow said.

Thankfully no one was hurt and all the aircraft took off and landed safely on the icy runways.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

1 COMMENT

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!