Local Plumber Talks About His Ordinary Life

NUNEATON - England - Here at the Squib, we don't just deal with celebrities and global politicians, we also like to celebrate the lives of ordinary people who live ordinary lives.

 

Tommy Cruiser, 44, comes from Nuneaton, a little town in Warwickshire, where he enjoys an idyllic life as a plumber.

“It’s hard work. You know you get up at the crack of dawn and start getting messages of leaky pipes, toilet problems and dishwasher installations. I particularly enjoy the jobs where I get knees deep under the sink to fix that pesky problem.”

Tommy is a devout Scatologist, which is a cult that programs people. The religion was started by Ron. L. Hubbub in 1968.

“If there’s a problem in the toilet bowl, I speak out to the Klingons to exorcise them and clear the blockages. It really helps. One day I was speaking out to the great Operating Cretin in the sky, and got my E-meter (specialist plumbing tool) out. It read that the toilet pipe was in the throes of an intergalactic metabolic dictatorship that only Xenu (toilet plunger) could save. Suffice to say, after a good plugging the enormous turd blocking the pipe junction was released into the sewer and Mrs. Mable at 42, could have her toilet back.”

Tommy left school at 16, and immediately knew what he wanted to do with his life.

“I left school became a plumber and that’s it. I’ve never left to do anything else. I once thought about being an actor, you know star in movies like my favourite is Mission Impossible, but instead I’m a reacher, you know reach round here, reach round there, get a vice-grip here, get a bog brush there. It’s simple but a very satisfying job.”

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by
Tags: uk

Recent Posts

The Public Sacrifice of Trump and the Dawn of a New Age of Women

WASHINGTON DC - USA - The dawn of a new age of women calls for…

18 hours ago

Why Labour is Killing Off Aspiration, Entrepreneurs and Deterring Foreign Investors

LONDON - England - We provide the reasons why the Labour Party is killing off…

19 hours ago

It’s Over For Trump: The Swamp Preparing to Release Kamala

WASHINGTON DC - USA - The Swamp is preparing to unleash Kamala Harris fully on…

2 days ago

Tories Choose Non-Hardline Diversity Candidate Kemi Badenoch as Next Leader

LONDON - England - The Tories have chosen Kemi Badenoch as their new leader.

3 days ago

The Dekulakization of British Farms is Underway

THE COUNTRYSIDE - England - Say goodbye to British farms as Labour conducts a policy…

3 days ago

Early Votes Indicate Kamala Harris Will Win Election

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Kamala Harris is well ahead with early ballots counted, and…

4 days ago

This website uses cookies.