Speaking from the Northumberland police’s headquarters, Chief Constable Sue Dim, said that she was very happy to disclose the fact that some officers have finally discovered where their own cafeteria is located in their own police HQ building.
“I’ve been here for six years now and am proud to announce that I have finally came across the cafeteria, which has eluded me and many of my esteemed colleagues for a very long time. If you go along this corridor, take a left past the sarge’s office, then take a right you can go and buy a sarnie or chip butty. Who would’ve thought eh?” DCC Dim said.
Last week, Northumberland police made another incredible discovery; they discovered that their desk computers have to switched on by pressing the power button and have to be plugged into the wall socket.
“We’re making progress every week. I hope that we someday solve a crime, or even better, catch a madman wearing bright orange clothes roaming around in full view of everyone with a shotgun,” DCC Dim told the Northumberland constabulary’s Incompetence Magazine, published tri-monthly.
Apparently Raoul Moat spent most of the last week stuck inside a four foot wide sewer.
Alex Reid and Peter Andre have sent their sympathy saying, ‘We know that feeling all too well.’
Why don’t the police write a letter back to Raoul Moat and follow the postman to see where he delivers it?