17.7 C
London
Friday, November 22, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldCatholic Church to Replace Choir Boys With Replicas

Catholic Church to Replace Choir Boys With Replicas

VATICAN CITY - Italy - The Pope has announced that all choirs around the world within the Catholic church are to have the young boys replaced with plastic dummies to prevent any more perversions continuing from the church's priests.

The new measures brought in by the church will ensure the priests will not be able to do their usual fiddling anymore, because the choirs will be manned by dummies.

“They will look like choir boys, but that’s about it. To take away any temptation, the mannequins will not have any genitals or holes either. There will be a little speaker from their mouths to simulate singing, which will come from recordings of actual choirs from the past,” Reverend Guisseppe Battybuoy told the Holy See’s own TV channel.

The new directive has come straight from the Pope and will be implemented by all Catholic dioceses around the world.

After hearing of the news, there were protests in many Catholic churches with many priests very angry at the new directives. Some commentators say that the priests will now look elsewhere to fulfill their evil deeds with children.

“This new directive has left a gaping hole in our lives. It is our God given right to administer ‘special treatments’ to young boys in the choirs of our churches. By the grace of God, Jesus and the Holy Virgin, it is our privilege as Catholic priests to carry on with our practices which I might add, have been going on for centuries,” Father John McBuggerer, the head of the Irish Catholic church told the BBC.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

5 COMMENTS

  1. When the pope arrives in the UK will he get legal aid if charges are brought against him….is the pope catholic!!!

  2. absoultely right it should not be up to the priests to prove their innocence. send them back to the parishes they were moved from.

  3. The ball is in the court of those that claim millions of choir boys were Sexually violated by priests. It should not be up to the priests to prove their innocence. Unless the accusers produce millions of adults that were sexually violated as children the claims should be considered bogus.

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!