Mandelson: "Gordon is Not a Bully"

LONDON - England - Gordon Brown does not bully staff, Lord Mandelson has said from his hospital bed.

"Ooh you beast!"

The business secretary told Britain’s state controlled broadcasting station, the BBC, from his hospital bed at the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital, that Mr Brown was “not a bully” and that “he absolutely adored the strength of the PM”.

Doctors working on Mr Mandelson were said to have removed a number of objects from Mr Mandelson’s rear including a fax machine, two iPhones, a laptop computer and a toaster.

“Gordon must have rammed those objects up Mr Mandelson. It’s the worst case of violence against staff at Number10 we have ever seen. What kind of a monster would do such a thing, and yet there is Mandy defending the PM? You would have thought after one abuse he would have reported it. Maybe he enjoyed it,” a key Number10 aide told the Telegraph.

Downing Street dismissed the “malicious
allegations” made by Andrew Rawnsley in a recent tell-all book, and Mr Brown went around to Mr Rawnsley’s house personally to beat the living daylights out of him.

Lord Mandelson is set to stay in hospital for a few more weeks to recuperate, his press office revealed.

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