Urgent Climate Change Communique from Comrade Brown

Speaking from the Soviet Copenhagen Global Warming/Cooling Climate Change Environment Summit, the unelected commander in chief of British Soviet EU Sector 24 said: “Comrades, EU Commissars, Kommandants, Enviro-Stasi officers and of course the proletariat slave workers.

“As we are gathered here today in Copenhagen we mustn’t be distracted by the
behind-the-times, anti-soviet, flat-earth climate sceptics. We know the science. We know that the earth is warmed by the sun in the day and cooled at night when the sun goes down. We know that Climate Change is a natural occurance that has been happening for millions of years and will continue to do so regardless. We know what we must do. We
must now act and create another form of monetization for the human race and shut down personal human freedoms even further. We must use the Greening Issue as a way of bringing to the fore even more communistic methods of control that were nearly lost by the democratic processes of the vile capitalist scum. I suggest another Bolshevik revolution wherein we take those who reject the eco-communist way and put these people in eco-gulags in the deepest dark areas of Soviet Northern Britain. That will seal the deal.

New Age of Change Religion

“Comrades, we will keep repeating our eco messages again and again. We will indoctrinate the people at a younger age through mediums like Waybuloo and other soviet methods of mass mind control. The British Soviet Broadcasting Peoples Company has been churning out state eco-control programmes for some time now and the Greening of the Youth process is working wonders.

“Soon, we will outlaw the old ways completely and shut down all freedom. You will only be allocated a small of amount of Carbon Credits per annum. If you use more than your ration you will starve as we will then control all food supplies. Within the new eco-tyranny we shall outlaw cash and all personal property. Everyone will be tracked and filmed wherever they go. If you are not part of the soviet hierarchy, eco science department or elite controller, you are a liability to the environment and thus we have the power to curtail your carbon footprint by liquidating you.

“Remember comrades we are doing this for your very benefit and the planets environment. Of course it was us in the first place who polluted the earth with our vast Soviet industrialisation programs that have so devastated our immediate vicinity. However, now that the elite have reached a desirable technological and scientific level, there is no more need for the vapid consumers who were trained from birth to service the machine we created for them. And, of course comrades, it is absolutely useless for a small British soviet sector to do anything for the world’s climate when you have large sectors like China, India and America pumping out so much shit into the atmosphere on a daily basis. You know that and so do I that the whole eco-greening affair is a bogus scam but because we will keep repeating our message you will adhere to our new eco control systema.

“We always need a threat pushed onto the public. Terrorism was not enough to keep the populations in perpetual fear, neither was economic disaster, we all know that Global Warming is the new stick we shall utilise to bring in the new era of scientific technological tyranny.

“Our scientists have the hard data right here to prove that this is happening to our planet. It is right here in my hand now in altered ink I tell you. Do not listen to the anti-soviet deceivers and truth sayers. They are the dangerous ones here and they will all soon be rounded up and put into eco-re-education camps. If we, your commanders, tell you that snow is black, you will believe us unquestionably.

“Remember comrades, the anti-soviet greening sceptics may have logic and real scientific evidence behind them but they don’t have paid-off scientists doing their research. Their scientists do not get the funding to produce false data, ours do, and there’s the difference comrades. We are in power and we alone wield the mighty taxpayer funded cheque book of truth to gain an even more draconian hold over the human race.”

(Rapturous applause and shouts of ‘Long live comrade Brown’ and ‘He’s done it again, comrade Brown, saved the world for the fifth time this month’)

This message was approved by EU Directive ECO-4467738-143-b19