17.7 C
London
Friday, November 22, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorld#AltonSterling U.S. Summer Shooting Season Extravaganza Begins in Earnest

#AltonSterling U.S. Summer Shooting Season Extravaganza Begins in Earnest

LOUISIANA - USA - Shooting season begins early this year as the balmy hot nights soak through the dark clouds of racial tension giving bitter reason to protest.

 

 

Yes, folks, it’s that time of year again when the guns come out in the hot balmy Louisiana nights to shoot blacks in the chest and cause a big protest from the black community because some upstanding citizen got shot arguing with cops and resisting arrest.

If you’re a white cop and you see some burly chap selling illegal CDs outside a shop and waving a gun around, be sure to put a few shots in the guy’s chest and back to see if he moves after that.

Officer John Schutter, 39, revealed what happens: “It’s like hunting season except we got us some burly black folk to shoot. The protests always happen after the shooting and we get put on fully paid administrative leave. For us that just means BBQ time while the dindus riot.”

As the twitter hashtags multiply in ferocity, and the Black Lives Matter crew get into gear, be sure to break out the Schlitz and popcorn for another season.

Naturally Alton Sterling will be made out to be a boy scout who never did nothing wrong to anyone apart from having a charge sheet as long as his arm. If it was a black officer who shot the man, no one would hear another word.

•9/09/96 aggravated battery
•10/31/97 2nd degree battery
•1/06/98 simple battery
•5/04/00 public intimidation
•9/20/00 carnal knowledge of a juvenile
•9/04/01 domestic violence
•5/24/05 burglary of an inhabited dwelling place
•7/11/05 receiving stolen things
•9/12/05 burglary of inhabited dwelling place
•3/17/06 simple criminal damage to property, simple robbery, simple theft, drug possession, misrepresentation during booking, simple battery, aggravated battery
•4/12/06 aggravated battery, simple criminal damage to property, disturbing the peace, unauthorized entry
•4/04/08 domestic abuse battery
•6/03/09 resisting an officer, drug possession, receiving stolen things, possession of stolen firearm, illegal carrying of a weapon with CDs, sound reproduce without consent
•10/12/09 illegal carrying of weapon, marijuana possession
•8/13/15 failure to register as a sex offender
•4/08/16 failure to register as a sex offender
•6/14/16 ecstasy and marijuana possession

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!