Ministers for all parties from now on will be expected to live in the new taxpayer funded housing schemes which will be implemented from June 2009 and will replace the second homes housing expenses fiasco that has caused such consternation.
“From now on MPs will be expected to sleep in the specially designed eco-housing modules made from sustainable forests in Sweden. After a hard days work in your constituency or in parliament itself, you can just unfold your housing unit and get a good nights sleep. You’ll be up and about in the morning and as spritely as a Hensvik shelving unit from Ikea. Just fold your new taxpayer funded sleeping unit after another cosy sleepless night and you’ll be raring to go for another session of heckling at PMQ’s,” Lord Arbuthnot Braitwaite told the Evening Standard from under Waterloo bridge.
The new Eco-MP Housing Units have been approved by the taxpayer because of their low cost efficiency and bio-degradable qualities. One single unit will only set the taxpayer back 31 pence to house a member of parliament for up to five or ten years. This cost efficiency measure is preferable to the hundreds of thousands it took to house ministers under the old regime.
“I blame Jacqui Smith and all the other Labour scroungers and greed-driven scumbags. If it wasn’t for them getting caught I wouldn’t be in this bloody awful mess. Tories have been doing this for years and we have only been caught once. Last night I couldn’t even get my Bentley Arnage into the Eco-Unit’s garage. This is a bloody disgrace I tell you,” a senior Tory backbencher complained.
So next time you’re under a public walkway or bridge after midnight, shout out “order order” and you will hear a collective groan from the assembled housing units scattered around in the dimly lit rat infested MP housing zones.
It’s unreasonable to expect our representatives to live in cardboard boxes! I suggest they should have Anderson style shelters on the mud banks of the Thames; whenever you see other pigs in fields living in them they always seem very happy.
Passing people can throw them scraps, much the same as they’ve been doing to us for the past 12 years.