Bernie Madoff Starts Prison Ponzi Scheme

Sharing a cell with another thief, Bernie Madoff has already settled into his 7 1/2 by 8 foot cell in the Metropolitan Correctional Center.

‘He’s settled in good. Bernie already has a prison ponzi scheme setup with cigarettes. I think the deal is everyone gives him some cigarettes to look after but instead of making more cigarettes he smokes the lot and gives a few out to a few choice people at the top of the pyramid. If the big boys catch on, Bernie’s going to have his balls served up on a dish,” Al ‘Carbone’ Tagliatelle, one of the inmates told the New York Times.

Dealing in cigarettes and other contraband is highly illegal in the prison and if caught an inmate can land himself in solitary confinement for weeks at a time.

The prison’s governor is said to be a person who does not like being taken for a ride: “If I find that Bernie Madoff is dealing in smokes or anything there will be hell to pay. He can swindle all the Jews he wants out of prison but anyone in here that gets swindled gets to share a cell with Bernie and we put a big jar of vaseline in the cell too. We also got about 80% of mafia inmates here who have somewhere along the line been burnt by Madoff, some even lost millions. It’s only going to be a matter of time before they make the right moves.”

There’s no more East side duplex with leisurely brunches, champagne lunches or lavish dinners at New York’s best eateries. From now on Bernie Madoff is going to be eating mush while trading cigarettes and trying to stay alive.

“The communal showers is where new boys get to learn about the system here. Bernie’s got some blubber on him and some of the boys like chubsters because they got tits like bitches. He gonna make someone very happy that’s for sure,” Tagliatelle added.