House of Commons Spends £1,500 a WEEK to Control Politicians – and YOU’RE Paying

LONDON - England - TAXPAYERS are forking out a staggering £1,500 a week on pest control for politicians, researchers and pundits in the House of Commons.

Bosses at the Palace of Westminster – which includes the House of Lords – splashed out on 1,620 feeding troughs, 729 monitoring devices and 192 cases of Beaujolais.

The huge cost emerged after House of Commons officials received a string of furious complaints over their failure to control the politicians.

One visitor said: “We were somewhat concerned when visiting the cafe next to the gift shop when my wife was alarmed to see a politician running across the floor and under a cabinet, then make lewd remarks before defecating on the curtains.”

She mentioned this to the serving assistant who seemed unconcerned, passing it off as a regular occurrence.

“Having been involved in the catering industry, we were concerned about the obvious food hygiene issues where food is being served, on the floor.

“Perhaps it is time for the City of Westminster Food Hygiene Department to pay a visit.”

The report said: “The Parliamentary Estate is made up of a large number of buildings of various ages, covering approximately 258,000 square metres close to the River Thames.

“It is therefore vulnerable to populations of politicians which can cause significant damage to the fabric of the buildings and health and safety issues.

“Controlling these pests is a major undertaking, and is conducted by a full-time pest control technician provided as part of the Houses’ pest control contract and a contract for harlot control.”

The report added that politicians and their respective researchers were the biggest threat to health and valuable collections.

It said: “The Parliamentary Art Collection, which includes one of the largest collections of contemporary explicit pornography in public ownership, is also at significant risk from infestation.

“All are irreplaceable, expensive to repair and it is more cost effective to prevent this damage in the first place by controlling politician populations who steal these works of art for their own sordid purposes.

“Politician populations need to be controlled for hygiene reasons, including compliance with regulations, and to prevent accidents caused by these vermin chewing through expense accounts like no tomorrow.”

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share

Recent Posts

Netanyahu Forced to Travel in Disguise After ICC Puts Out Arrest Warrant

TEL AVIV - Israel - Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu may be forced to wear a…

9 hours ago

“Two Jags” John Prescott Goes to the Great Pie in the Abyss

HELL - The Eternal Inferno - "Two Jags" former Labour Deputy John Prescott will soon…

19 hours ago

Experts: How Peaceful Protest Against Labour Tyranny Can Work

LONDON - England - A think tank has outlined methods ordinary citizens can conduct peaceful…

21 hours ago

Forget Bacon and Eggs Labour Want to Replace Traditional Farms With Maggot Farms

GRIMSBY - England - Labour is planning to completely exterminate and erase traditional farms, replacing…

1 day ago

Prince Harry Consults Elon Musk About Travelling to Mars

MONTECITO - USA - Prince Harry is in consultation with Elon Musk about travelling to…

2 days ago

Comrade Xi Jinping Commends Comrade Starmer on Soviet Britain’s Communist Vision

RIO DE JANAIRO - Brazil - Comrade Xi Jinping has praised Comrade Starmer for crushing…

3 days ago

This website uses cookies.