Comrade Corbyn Purging Party of Dissenters

Lickspittle spineless traitors to the cause have been purged from the ranks of the Red Labour party today by our supreme Comrade Corbyn. Speaking from his dacha in Grimsdale, Comrade Corbyn addressed the party through a televisual communique on BBC6.

Comrades! Citizens! Brothers and Sisters! Men of our beloved Red Labour party!

I am addressing you, my friends!

The perfidious political attack on our party, by traitorous dogs and pigs of the right has been thwarted.

In spite of heroic resistance of the Red Labour hierarchy, and although the enemy’s finest divisions and finest political units commandeered by the Dark Lord Mandy and the henchmen of Tony Blair have already been smashed and have met their doom on the field of battle, the enemy continues to push forward, hurling fresh forces into the attack.

A grave danger hangs over our country.
How could it have happened that our glorious Red Labour party surrendered a number of our policies to the Neo-Blairite traitors and hogs wallops that continue to befuddle our greatest efforts for victory?

Dear comrades, we will thrash these boastful Fascist propagandists off the face of the earth once and for all!

What is required to put an end to the danger hovering over our country, and what measures must be taken to smash the enemy?

Above all, it is essential that our people, the Soviet people, should understand the full immensity of the danger that threatens our country and abandon all complacency, all heedlessness, all those moods of peaceful, constructive work which were so natural before the election but which are fatal today but when we gain power in 2020 and spread our collectivist message to the capitalist pigs they will see the true face of war!

The enemy is cruel and implacable. He is out to seize our lands watered with our sweat, to seize our grain and soil secured by our labour.

He is out to restore the rule of landlords, to restore the bedroom tax, to destroy benefits culture and the national health service’s existence, to convert them into slaves of perfidious Saxe-Coburg Gotha German faux British princes and barons.

Thus the issue is one of life or death for the Soviet Labour party, for the peoples of the U.K: the issue is whether peoples of Britain shall remain free or fall into slavery.

The Soviet Labour party must realize this and abandon all heedlessness, they must mobilize themselves and reorganize all their work on new, wartime lines, when there can be no mercy to the enemy.

Further, there must be no room in our ranks for whimperers and cowards, for panic-mongers and deserters; our people must know no fear in the fight and must selflessly join our patriotic War of liberation, our war against the Fascist enslavers the Blairite, Mandelsonite and Tory scum..

We must wage a ruthless fight against all disorganizers of the rear, deserters, panic-mongers, rumor-mongers, exterminate spies, diversionists, enemy parachutists, rendering rapid aid in all this to our destroyer battalions. We must bear in mind that the enemy is crafty, unscrupulous, experienced in deception and dissemination of false rumors.

We must reckon with all this and not fall victim to provocation. All who by their panic-mongering and cowardice hinder the work of defence, no matter who they are, must be immediately haled before a party tribunal.

All our forces for the support of our heroic Red Labour party and our glorious Red Soviet nation of Britain!

All the forces of the people—for the demolition of the enemy!

Forward, to our victory!