Comrade Gordon Brown took some time out from saving the world to address Soviet British citizens by utilising the wireless radio with a New Year’s message.
“Comrades, brave Bolshevik warriors, party members, workers and proles. I trust you have all had a wonderful Soviet festive season. I would like to thank the citizens who were forced into shops to buy more useless junk which was made in China. It was imperative that the workers spend their hard earned cash on useless trinkets instead of heating their hovels or eating gruel. The upper echelons of the party must thus be propped up by the proles and workers. It is your Soviet duty to attend the so-called sales and spend all your money on anything you can find so your governors can govern over you.
“Furthermore, comrades, I have successfully reduced the British Soviet economy to nothing more than a skeletal corpse where houses are worth a pittance, food is sold at extortionate prices, fuel and heating costs are increasing daily, the Soviet Health Service is now conducting surgical operations out in the streets and where the British pound is worth less than a Zimbabwe dollar. Comrades, do not worry about the symbol of capitalist waste, the British pound will soon be incorporated within our European Soviet system. I have ensured this will happen forthwith and thus without any further delay the symbols of democracy and capitalist greed shall not be tolerated anymore under my New Euro of Change.
“I have also mobilised the services of Comrade Obama who will bring forth the New Era unto the Americans who have been under the spell of the gluttonous capitalist pigs for too long.
“Our Soviet economy is safe for now comrades. The banking system is now owned by the state. We have also procurred trillions of pounds of Soviet aid that shall ensure every citizen in Soviet Britain will have to work for eleven and a half months in the year for the next hundred years to pay the increased taxes I shall introduce soon. Remember comrades, it is your duty to the state to work so that the upper echelons of the Labour party can have increased expense accounts, holiday dachas, shopping trips, aeroplane state visits, prostitutes, office and home refurbishments etc etc.
“2009 will be a year in which I shall introduce even more cameras, surveillance, taxes, gulags and more hidden taxes. Enjoy yourselves Soviet citizens, you can drink some more cheap vodka and revel in your cabbage soup because your lives are as worthless as they were last year.”
Comrade Brown, supreme unelected leader of the British Soviet state has been hailed as the greatest thing that has happened to our country since the invention of sliced cabbage.
In further news, a commendation must be made to Julie Partridge, 14, of Manchester for reporting her father Cyril, 45, for speaking against Comrade Brown. Mr Cyril Partridge was sentenced by local Stasi officers this morning and will spend the next forty two years in a re-education camp in sector 101.
Have a happy New Soviet Year – Order 3b6543
