17.7 C
London
Monday, December 30, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldKelly Osbourne Takes Up Hot Air Ballooning

Kelly Osbourne Takes Up Hot Air Ballooning

LONDON - England - The multi-talented offspring of Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne plans on an epic hot air balloon journey over the Atlantic ocean.

ai

Kelly Osbourne is going to follow the famous Montgolfier Brothers who undertook the first ever manned flight of a hot air balloon on November 21st 1783.

Kelly has already acquired a valid Private Pilot’s Licence: PPL(B) and is now about to acquire her commercial balloon licence: CPL(B).

Her agent, Rona McWurter told the BBC: “Kelly has worked very hard for this licence and wants it very much. Her parents paid a lot of money for the three month training which costs in excess of £145,000. She feels that she wants this under her belt to complement her many other talents.”

Kelly’s multitude of talents include pantomime acting, parties, eating and being the daughter of Sharon and Ozzy.

Last year there was a crisis meeting in the Osbourne household as to what Kelly could do for a career. They even tried introducing Kelly to her father’s pet loving ways by giving her some bats so that she could practice biting their heads off but she fluffed that as well.

“Kelly ate the whole bat including the wings. She was just meant to bite the head off like her dad does but she ate the whole thing while it was still alive. It was still flapping and she even wanted more bats,” an Osbourne family attendant revealed to the BBC news.

The epic balloon voyage will be a coming-of-age journey for Kelly and she will film the trip with a camera which will be made into a television reality show.

The Atlantic ballooning journey will take place in September and will commence from London’s Parliament Hill and end in New York city near the statue of Liberty.

The whole journey across the Atlantic will take approximately three weeks depending on weather and wind conditions, however ballooning experts think that if Kelly catches a nice solid gust of wind she can make it earlier.

This is the defining moment in Kelly Osbourne’s career as a media celebrity daughter of the Osbourne clan and will be a huge test for the star.

“I’ve always had a fucking interest in the fucking world of fucking ballooning. Ballooning is fucking great innit? Give me another teacake you fucking piece of shit. What do I fucking pay you for? I said get me another fucking cheeseburger as well you stupid cunt. Did I say you can look at me? No! Now get down there and clean up my fucking vomit.”

 

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
ds-freedom-expression-banner

4 COMMENTS

  1. I know someone else in her family that spews a lot of hot air. Maybe she should take Sharon up there too so they can stay up in the air longer,,,LOL

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

ds-pope-banner

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!