Comrade Brown Urges Proles to Keep Panic Buying Petrol

With eighty pence from every pound going to the British Soviet Treasury in fuel tax and duty, Comrade Brown is urging more panic at the pumps.

Oil as a commodity is cheaper than milk. However, with Labour’s fuel tax and fuel duty, it is now nearly over five pounds per gallon ($10 per gallon if you are American). The United Soviet Nation of Britain has the highest fuel taxes in the world and British prole drivers are the biggest cash cows in the world.

More Panic Please

There are reports that the prole populations are utilising the herd mentality for which they have been trained. By creating a mass feeding frenzy from petrol stations across the nation due to reports that Grangemouth oil refinery is shutting down, the Labour government is sure to come into a massive tax windfall. The oil refinery was ordered to be shut down by Comrade Brown himself because state funds have been floundering as of late and the nation needs a much needed cash injection to keep it above water. By ensuring the panic buying masses continue with the feeding frenzy, the Soviet British Nation will accumulate large reserves of fuel tax cash for its empty coffers.

Keep Panic Buying

“British Soviet proles are a breed unto themselves. They seem to happily accept every indignity and injustice heaped upon them without question or protest. Our populations have been brainwashed into slave subservience and are the most pliable plebiscites in the whole world. A credit to the controllers who have steered the sheeple into the pen ready for mass shearing,” Commissar for Fuel Tax, Harry Balls, said at a news briefing at the oil refinery in Grangemouth on Friday.

Fuel Tax Increase

Labour ministers were congratulating themselves and there were many pats on the back today for encouraging the panic buying of fuel at petrol stations across the United Soviet Nation of Britain. Despite taking 80 pence from every pound spent on petrol in the United Soviet Nation of Britain, Comrade Brown still plans to reward the population with a further 2 pence increase by June 2008.

“Comrades, we welcome the panic buying! Out of every pound spent we make eighty pence on fuel tax. Thank you for supporting the state in our hour of need. We will continue to utilise the revenue we receive from you and spend it on incompetent, impotent and useless politicians, waste, cronyism, stupidity, cowardice and greed. And who knows? Out of all the money we’re making, we might even be able to start another war! Our only worry is that petrol stations might eventually run out of fuel from the mass panic buying which would mean that all of the tax revenue we’re currently receiving would come to an abrupt end. But in the meantime, please carry on panicking — there is nothing to worry about!” a jubilant Comrade Darling told the BBC4 news yesterday.