World

Sightings of Great White Shark off Chinese Beach

FUJIAZHUANG BEACH - Dalian CHINA - Panic has swept through a crowded beach in North Eastern China when 78,000 Chinese bathers spotted a Great White Shark prowling the waters.

Ylang Ylang was tossing a volleyball into the melee of 70,000 odd beach revellers on this sweltering summers day when she not only lost the ball amongst thousands of exact replicas but she also spotted a fin moving around in the water.

On Wednesday, more than 70,000 locals and visitors encamped on Fujiazhuang bathing beach, this is the highest figure so far this summer on North eastern China’s Dalian seashore.

The management department of Fujiazhuang Bathing Beach has boosted the number of beach life savers to 27,000 so as to prevent any drownings.

However, they did not count on any Great White sharks combing the waters and looking for some human dim sum.

Party officials were thrown for a six when panic suddenly erupted and 50,000 Chinese swimmers in sector G decided to run out of the water whilst screaming in extreme alarm. This resulted in 20,000 sector H sunbathers being inundated by panic as well.

 


The Great White Shark fin is plainly visible swimming close to the shore in the picture

Marine biologist Xau Fan Fung explains his theory: “I believe the shark was attracted by the splashing and noise that 50,000 people make when bathing in the water simultaneously. Also, sharks are attracted by very small amounts of blood or urine in the water, you can imagine what would happen if there are thousands urinating in the sea at the same time.”

There were no casualties from the shark but some 3000 people were trampled under foot from the stampede.

In the mad scramble 145,000 flip flops were left abandoned and 57,600 beach balls and matching beach towels were discarded.

The resultant yellow urine slick from the fearful bathers could be seen by satellite imaging equipment from space.

Scientists estimate the slick will arrive on the shores of the California coast in 3 weeks.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by

Recent Posts

Easy Payday: Tyson Needed the $20 Million Retirement Money

TEXAS - USA - The manufactured Mike Tyson fight against a YouTuber was a retirement…

12 hours ago

Biden Admits to Reporter He Voted For Trump

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Joe Biden has admitted to a reporter that he voted…

13 hours ago

“People’s Soviet Republic of Britain” Detains Journalist Attempting Crime of “Free Speech”

LONDON - England - We can proudly announce that an attempt at "free speech" was…

2 days ago

Commissar Rachel Reeves Praises Her Role in Ruining UK Economy

SCUNTHORPE - England - Commissar Rachel Reeves of the People's Soviet Labour Party of Britain…

2 days ago

Beyond Satire: The Onion Buys Infowars

TEXAS - USA - According to reports, corporate entity, The Onion, has acquired the Infowars…

3 days ago

Crazy Woke Leftists Told to “Identify” As if Kamala Won Election

PORTLAND - USA - A renowned therapist is helping many crazy, woke leftists by telling…

5 days ago

This website uses cookies.