Lindsay Lohan Leg Found on Malibu Beach

MALIBU - CA - A leg presumed to be that of a missing Lindsay Lohan was washed up on Malibu beach still with an alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet attached. Officers from the Malibu Police force are fearing the worst.

Jeffrey Katzenberg, a Hollywood producer, was walking his dog along the Paradise Cove pier in Malibu at 7am PST when he came across the leg.

Malibu is notable for being a residence for celebrities and the town is in shock at the loss of one of their own.

Detective John Roberts of the Malibu/Lost Hills Station made a brief statement to photographers and reporters today at 11.35 PST.

“After discovering the leg this morning our marine specialist has come to the conclusion that this is a shark attack victim. The nature of the bite seems to indicate that this was a huge shark,possibly a Great White shark approximately 35 feet long As of yet we still do not know the whereabouts of Miss Lindsay Lohan and have been interviewing her entourage and hangers on as well as her numerous drug dealers.”

There is a theory going around the investigators that the alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet could have attracted the shark by emitting a low frequency sound.

Warm Californian waters attract Great Whites

There were trips on a private yacht during the party at the Malibu residence. Miss Lohan has not been seen since yesterday.

Lindsay Lohan is the latest celebrity victim to have been caught by the Police drinking and driving as well as with cocaine possession.

She will be due in court on multiple charges next month and for an inevitable jail sentence however first the Police have to find the rest of her.

“We will be conducting DNA tests on the leg and will have results by next week,” Detective John Roberts states.

It is highly likely however that this is Lindsay Lohan’s leg because of the alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet and perfectly pedicured toes as well as a little tattoo saying ‘la bella vita’.

Studio bosses are all waiting anxiously on news about the ailing ‘celebrity’.

Media scramble on news that the leg may belong to Lohan

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by

Recent Posts

Why Eco and Green Groups Are Silent Over Labour Plans to Bulldoze Protected Countryside

THE COUNTRYSIDE - England - It is rather funny that the eco and green groups…

5 hours ago

Pensioners Are Freezing This Christmas Thanks to Starmer and Reeves

SCUNTHORPE - England - The evil Labour Party and Keir Starmer are laughing with glee…

16 hours ago

Sleazy Labour Liars Prove Election Promises Do Not Mean Anything in UK

LONDON - England - The sleazy Labour liars who said anything to get elected have…

1 day ago

Brexit Never Happened Anyway – Labour EU Union Was Inevitable

BRUSSELS - Belgium - Keir Starmer is leading the way for an EU union, but…

2 days ago

“Comrades, Labour is Banning Democracy by Banning Local Elections”

GRIMSBY - England - The Labour Party has banned democracy in Soviet Britain by banning…

2 days ago

The UK is a Davos ‘Great Reset’ Experiment Under Starmer’s Labour

LONDON - England - Europe is too big to test the Great Reset, so this…

2 days ago

This website uses cookies.