BREAKING NEWS: CIA Uses Torture

WASHINGTON D.C. - USA - Who would have thought the CIA uses torture? Well, well, well, it's like a huge surprise to many.

In an incredible admission today by the U.S. Congress it was revealed that the CIA uses torture methods to get people to blab about pretty much anything.

“I can announce today about news that everyone knew anyway. The CIA uses torture methods and not only that, bears defecate in the woods. The Pope is Catholic and the sky is blue. If you have any questions about the torture methods we employ please ask, and we may even demonstrate some of the techniques on the reporters assembled here,” CIA director, Ed Strangles, told the Congressional Oversight Committee.

In other news, dogs like to pee on lamp posts, books are kept in libraries and you can buy food in supermarkets.

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