17.7 C
London
Thursday, November 21, 2024
secret satire society
HomeSportsCardboard Cutouts to Fill Empty Olympic Seats

Cardboard Cutouts to Fill Empty Olympic Seats

LONDON - England - Cardboard cutouts will be used to act as temporary placeholders in premium seating at Olympic events, as organisers attempt to avoid the spectacle of empty seats at venues.

The approach of filling venues with cardboard cutouts will make the empty stadiums look fuller than they really are, according to Olympic organisers

A spokeswoman for the London organizing committee said Sunday it had begun filling thousands of empty seats in accredited areas with cardboard cutouts.

“No one wants to watch a bunch of brainwashed men and women running around a track for hours on end or jumping into sand pits. This is why we’re having trouble with the frickin’ seats. They’d rather shave their eyes with rusty razors than watch that boring crap,” said Lewis Sebastians, secretary of the organizing committee.

Organisers will also pipe in audience cheering sounds to the events, otherwise there would be total silence during the athletic competitions.

“You’ve got to know when to press the right button. We’ve got one button for cheering and clapping successful athletes, one for losing athletes and another for just general crowd bustling sounds. The speakers are hidden behind the cardboard cutouts so no one will be the wiser,” the technician in charge of the audience audio told the BBC.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

10 COMMENTS

  1. I LOVE BRITAIN AND WILL BE COMING BACK BUT THID IS DISGRACEFUL I PAID $600 FOR A TICKET TO SEE 400M. ARE YOU SAYING THAT IF I WAS A CARD BOARD CUTOUT I COULD OF GOT THE TICKET FOR FREE??? WHSAT? THE F???

  2. I know how u feel I have 4 children and we came over to London to see the olmpics. you saying it is expensive over in England is an understatement friend I spent so much oney Im going to be in debt for the next 20 years. but we were at the soccer event and did not see any cardbord cutouts that musta been cuz it was popular or something. some of the other events i heard wehre not so lucky and half full.

  3. We've been watching it on NBC from Chicago and since they put in the cardboard cutouts there have been no empty seats at the events. I think it has been a great idea.

  4. I cant believe it! me and my family paid over $10000 to come over to the UK and watch the Olympics and now their filling it with card board ppl???!?!? something is very wrong!!

  5. Ridiculous !! Absolute bollocks to this. What about giving a seat to someone who lives in Stratford?

    They should let us have it for free. Are we wurth less then cardboard?

  6. This is disgraceful my family tried to get tickets to see the GB men's hockey and they were sold out. I cannot believe they would do such a dispicable thing like put cardboard cut outs. Gobsmacked!

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!