Footballer Sleeps With Own Girlfriend

LONDON - England - The footballer, who wished to remain anonymous, was said to have spent the night with his own girlfriend sometime last week, news reports claimed.

The shamed footballer photographed on the pitch

Speaking to Sky news via a telephone link with his voice disguised, the footballer admitted that he had actually slept with his own girlfriend last week.

“There was no roasting, no doubledeckers, no drugs shame, no drunk driving, no prostitutes or barely legal slappers lined up. I can confess to my utter shame that I slept with one woman for the whole of last week,” the footballer said, sobbing into the telephone.

The news was met with dismay in football circles and there was even talk of rooting the player out and turfing him out of the game.

“He’s brought us all into disrepute. It’s just not right is it? If we find out who this chap is we should make an example of him,” Clemence McElroony, a midfielder for Cornchester United told the Sun.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"