Cricketers to Get New Helmets

Gone are the genteel days of cucumber sandwiches and the odd half arsed swing, these days bowlers are trained to deliver balls to batsmen with almost bionic strength and speed.

“It’s not like the old days. They used to call cricket the gentleman’s game, now if you get away with a fractured skull and mild brain damage you’re lucky. It’s vicious out there, especially us Aussies. Bodyline? That was sissy stuff, now we can get bowlers to bounce the ball directly into your frontal neocortex. Howzat for precision?” an Australian cricket commentator revealed on Thursday.

The new kevlar reinforced steel helmets will be issued in June 2015 for the Australian Cricket Federation. Coming in at 77 kgs, the helmets are resistant to 9mm bullets and may even save cricketers lives.