As well as carpeting the entire British countryside with a billion solar panels, mad as a hatter Ed Miliband, the bonkers energy secretary now wants every British person to go around wearing solar panel hats for Net Zero.
British weather is so horrific that one rarely sees the sun for 9 months of the year, so it is increasingly strange that solar panels would really do any good, even the ones that maximise their energy intake in poor weather. The winter months in the UK are blighted by unforgiving weather, with a grim grey level of minimal daylight only lasting five or six hours a day if lucky, and summer is not any better.
“I am proposing that every British citizen wears one of my specially designed solar hats at all times, so we can produce enough energy to light one bulb. Imagine that! Wow!” Mad Ed said.
Labour leader Keir Starmer has given Mad Ed Miliband his full backing and has ordered every Labour MP to wear the solar hats even at PMQs as a sign of solidarity to the insane Net Zero initiative.
“Today I stand with Mad Ed Miliband. I first thought he was bonkers, and then realised he truly is bonkers and so am I,” Starmer revealed, laughing like a deranged robot.
The solar panel hat initiative will be rolled out nationwide by 2027 and all Britons will be required to wear one at all times, even in the shower. The compulsory purchase Net Zero hat will only cost each Briton £1,599, and will reduce electricity bills by at least 1 penny per annum. Along with the hat, each citizen will be required to carry a large 200Ah battery weighing 23 kg and a massive inverter weighing 35 kg.
