17.7 C
London
Wednesday, February 26, 2025
secret satire society
HomeSci/TechScientists 'Hacking' into Brain of Britney Spears

Scientists 'Hacking' into Brain of Britney Spears

LOS ANGELES - USA - Spears, 30, has been working with scientists at Stanford University who are developing a brain scanner - a tool which picks up brain waves and communicates them via a computer.

ai

“We are searching for brain activity. It is quite hard to do with this subject. Britney’s eyes keep rolling back and she has a wild look in her eye. Scared the shit out of me yesterday,” professor Ernest B. Saunders, at Stanford revealed.

The pop singer, who has an IQ of 47, currently uses hand gestures and grunts to communicate.

“We’d like to find a way to bypass her body, pretty much hack her brain,” said Prof Saunders.

Researchers will unveil their latest results at a conference in Cambridge next month, and may demonstrate the technology on Spears or even British glamour model, Katie Price.

“We could have the dumbfuck Spears on one side and that bloated fake football titted orange moron Price on the other side of the room. We can link their brainwaves together and see if they can communicate with each other. I propose on leaving them in a room like that for the next thirty years,” Professor Saunders told New Scientist magazine.

  Help Support Independent Publishers

  PLEASE SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB We fight for freedom, justice and coffee.
ds-indy-free-banner

1 COMMENT

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

ds-pope-banner

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Buy Me A Coffee