Sci/Tech

Merkel to Have Sense of Humour Injected Into Her Brain

HAMBURG - Germany - Chancellor Angela Merkel is to undergo a medical procedure to inject some humour into her brain.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel is to undergo a state of the art procedure to have some form of personality and humour injected directly into her brain, Reuters has reported.

The medical treatment is the latest trend amongst Germans, who sadly are devoid of any form of humour and live their lives mainly in a technical manner.

Professor Arnold Weinglauss, who has performed the procedure numerous times, will officiate the process, which will take three hours of surgery time.

“The procedure is rather complex, and one slip can induce a deeper state of catatonic depression which is the normal state of the Chancellor. We will infuse the ventral striatum within the temporal lobe area, and invigorate the region by injecting a dimorphic mixture of nanobots specifically designed to stimulate the humour centres.”

Chancellor Merkel, like most Germans is unfortunately afflicted with an extremely morose sensibility, however after the operation she may be able to smile slightly or even say a joke.

“It will take some time with such a serious case as Frau Merkel, however we may see some effects in less than two months. Instead of that milk curdling gaze, she may laugh a little. This may take her by surprise, however, and a counsellor will monitor her behaviour. We have had cases where the patient has been so surprised to crack a joke that they fell into utter depression afterwards because of their confusion. We are not however expecting Merkel to suddenly take the podium and act like a stand-up comedian, even with our technological prowess, that is a near impossibility with such a serious case as the Chancellor.”

Merkel will undergo the humour injection operation in January.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share

Recent Posts

Tories Choose Non-Hardline Diversity Candidate Kemi Badenoch as Next Leader

LONDON - England - The Tories have chosen Kemi Badenoch as their new leader.

7 hours ago

The Dekulakization of British Farms is Underway

THE COUNTRYSIDE - England - Say goodbye to British farms as Labour conducts a policy…

14 hours ago

Early Votes Indicate Kamala Harris Will Win Election

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Kamala Harris is well ahead with early ballots counted, and…

1 day ago

Kamala Harris Wants to Do Rally With Load of Garbage

MILWAUKEE - USA - The Kamala Harris election campaign team want her to do a…

2 days ago

Bond Markets Digest the Nightmare Debt Bomb Labour Budget

LONDON - England - The financial and bond markets have sadly digested the utter lies…

3 days ago

Biden Hate Speech: “Trump Supporters Are Garbage!”

WASHINGTON DC - USA - According to Joe Biden "Trump supporters are garbage" as he…

3 days ago

This website uses cookies.